my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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