I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
there is glitter all over my balls
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