Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
