I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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