youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
