May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you will always have a special place in my vag
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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