was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
