I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i came on her dog
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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