Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
