Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize