because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
