he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
