those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My Sexting was not on an AP level
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
