please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
