Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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