That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize