It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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