oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
