this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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