life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
