She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
tell me about the eggs
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