I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
