see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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