id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize