I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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