So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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