mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize