Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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