You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
