Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
