just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
