New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
