and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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