to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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