just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
