Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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