I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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