it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
