dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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