worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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