Can Purell be used as lube?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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