The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
