This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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