Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
