Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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