Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
