it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
