you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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