Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
