I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
