sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
