Pants 0. Shit 1.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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