there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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