3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need to sanitize my soul.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
