I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
