Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
