Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
