I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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