Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
