i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
