i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
