I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
