lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
love makes seman taste better
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
