I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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