Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
