My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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