just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
