True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize