I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
