Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
