hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
