I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
