ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
