can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
