forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
