Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
