the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize