Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
