he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
