i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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