If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
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