Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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