I cannot find my penis.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
