HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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