she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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