we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
