I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
