Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
