My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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