i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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