honey bunches of taint.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
