On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
