i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
