Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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