i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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