You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
