so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
