Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
