Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
