I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
