I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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