dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
