Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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