dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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