can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this just has baby written all over it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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