are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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