I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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